Do we need to be the same or different to be happier?

One of the myths that have been around for a long time is this belief that you have to be with someone that is similar to you. That you must have the same interests and have a similar personality style. This is both true and false lets elaborate on this:

  1. Many introverts are more attracted to extroverts because they find opposing traits to be more appealing than their own. Similarly, extroverts enjoy the calming and quieter disposition of an introvert. It’s a common finding that two introverts can become bored with neither ones desire to connect with people. Two extroverts can also feel overwhelmed that there is no downtime as both always seek out connections with people. Then again, paired introverts and paired extroverts also find it so much easier to understand each others social needs. All these combinations can work depending on the individuals and how they work it out.

  2. Having the same interests and hobbies as your partner can be argued as a huge plus. Conversely, having separate interests is also great for time alone and having a needed break or time out. The artist needs to escape to draw and paint on their own. The avid reader also can’t enjoy a book with another person looking over their shoulder. Then it would be important to have some similar hobbies such as hiking, bike riding, and enjoying beach holidays together. If there was zero number of interests or hobbies that a couple shares, that would be very challenging to make work. Not impossible, but certainly difficult.

  3. The need for control and having the last say is a big one. A week doesn’t go by without us hearing of a relationship under threat because one partner believes they may be living with a Narcissist or a controlling personality. In most relationships there is a great deal of awareness of who gets their way or who has the last say on a purchase decision or another important situation that needs a deciding opinion. It has been argued that dependent and less assertive personalities like having a partner that takes the lead on most issues. Some couples agree that one has the last say in certain areas of living while the other has control over other areas and this works perfectly for them. Two strong personalities do find themselves clashing and debating more often but many make this work quite well as they respect each others position as being credible and valid for consideration. The breakdown comes when one loses respect and appreciation for the other person and never considers their opposing view. Some people need to feel in control because of their own need for respect or they may be protecting a fragile self-esteem. There are many dynamics at play and it’s important that neither person feels disrespected, taken advantage of, or broken down in any way. In many cases this dynamic creeps into a formally healthy relationship and they only become aware of the unhealthy dynamic when it’s very difficult or too late to fix.

Our ConeXsions assessment will delve into all this and more as we look at 10 key factors which include 3 noted above. We fully appreciate that a vast number of factors are always dynamically working together as all the cogs and wheels are inter-connected and moving together at the same time. We are experts at understanding this and helping you identify what will work and what won’t for you and your partner’s unique personalities and profiles